Throwing Out

My newspaper has a feature called "What's In My Fridge," or something like it. The interviewed is someone with a public, revered career. This person, respectfully pictured, lists items like "L'Estornell Marcona Almonds," "Spanish Dried Sausages" and "Chteau Margaux 1973." Each week I read it, imagining the individual, returned late after the theater or some philanthropic do-dah, well-heeling it to their stainless to be greeted by fish roe and fanciful fruit trays. I may be exaggerating a little but not much. Who are these people?

I love cooking and eating great food (I was once in a cooking club) but let's be real. A work-at-home mother, I'd be more suited for a section called "What I Should Throw Out Of My Fridge." Here's a current sample:

• Shredded chicken––well, it was supposed to be shredded. I added too much spice and then ground the chicken up too fine in the Cuisinart giving it a texture Erik politely called "interesting." "Interesting" enough for only for one meal.
• Sour creams - they seem to collect and multiply. 
• Jars of green olives - when have we eaten green olives in the last five years? are they even green anymore? pickles are the same––in the store they trick me into buying them.
• Honey mustard - valiant attempt at homemade but we didn't think twice about it after the chicken strips were gone.
• Vinegar-y bottles of wine - what kind? who knows? best for long summer days with the kids or visits from certain family members.
• Sloppy joes - they seem to be a permanent resident which is weird because I don't think I fix them very often.
• Target tuna salad - it's been lunch for a week (how can this be? it's like the biblical loaves and fishes miracle!) and it's getting "juicy" but it's been tasty.
• Tortillas, tortillas and tortillas - 3 dated packages, dry enough for me to make a lucrative hobby of shoemaking on etsy.
• Gorgonzola - ten years ago I made a to-die for salad dressing with gorgonzola in it; I have tried many times since to emulate it without luck (no, this gorgonzola is not ten years old!)
• Apple butter - each fall I long for real apple butter with a depth of flavor and in desperation purchase something with a metallic tang and twitchy sweetness; I have not learned and do this every single year.

I spare you more items (the newspaper feature is limited) and I spare you pictures. And please, do come over for dinner if I ask you some time.